Pick Your Diamond, Pick Your Pearl; There Is Beauty In The World

Entry #10

May 10, 2014

   It is currently 9:38:50 am here in my Rishekesh hotel room. I am lying in bed, of course! We woke up at 4:05 am to meet the cab at 4:45. It took us up a long, winding road for about an hour. The dark, smoldering black sky was quickly brightening and I was slightly worried we would not reach the mountain top before sunrise. We got to the parking area and left the cabbie behind so he could enjoy some restful time.

   We climbed toward the temple, and I swear there were a million stairs. Three long stairways climbed to a black existential hole of both nothingness and infinity. I felt like Rocky when we reached the top (not that he climbed a large amount of stairs). I don't think you understand. I honestly thought they would lead to the fifth galaxy of Nebulon. I was tempted to do the Rocky fist pumping jump.

   We reached the top literally at the first sight of sun. It had just peeked an inch of its head out from behind a large mountain. The view was breathtakingly gorgeous, and I wish I could have brought the entire world with me to see it. The sun quickly made its way up just a little above its hiding spot. I was able to soak in the memory and emotions while Greg snapped pictures to record the sight but not, unfortunately, the sheer beauty of the moment. The rising sun signifies a new day, a fresh start, and another chance. However, seeing the sun rise among such beautiful scenery while standing in a peaceful Hindu temple on top of a strong and powerful mountain in India was something else entirely. The whole experience was like something from a dream, something I would have never imagined myself doing, and the reality of it did not hit until the cab ride back down. I could have sat and viewed the perfect backdrop forever. I can appreciate human-made art, but it is nothing in comparison to raw, natural views such as this. These are the very scenes that have inspired artists throughout time.

   The entire atmosphere of the temple was profound, peaceful serenity. Since everything was outside and not covered by a roof, we were able to wander around, talking and laughing. We explored the area and in the center of the temple's platform was a small room with one door. The room was surrounded by a decorated gate-like wall. I could see a shrine of some type in the vacant room. Being the curious jaguar I am, there was not a flash of doubt as I removed my shoes and stepped inside. I was so intrigued by the collection of items on the shrine and the surrounding displays that I did not feel a man enter the room behind me. Greg entered soon after as he had to remove his tennis shoes.

   The man sat down at the shrine and took out a tray of various ingredients. He mixed some red powder with drips of water, creating a bright red paint. He dipped a finger in and held it out toward me. For a second I was confused, but I quickly saw the red dot of paint between his eyes. Without hesitation, I silently bowed my head so he could mark my forehead with the red dot, called a tikka. I sat on my legs and took in every detail of the profound room. There were 5 gold bells hanging from the ceiling, and I wondered if they ever ring out a melody and when or why they are pulled. The shrine was blanketed in red cloths with sparkling gold edges and accents. These red and gold cloths were found in many other places at the temple and I wondered about the significance of the color red. Sitting on the shrine was a collection of objects, and I wished to know the purpose of each item as they seemed to be such a random assortment. One white object looked to be a large sea shell, but I can not be sure. Behind my back was a glass display case with a small painted statue of the goddess Durga, my favorite of the Hindu gods I learned about. Curling around her back was Durga's pet tiger who stared at me with a look of both confidence and wariness. The statue captured Durga's great power and strength and commanded a respect that a great goddess deserves. An incense stick was lit and created a sense of privacy in the room where the smell was contained. The man filled our cupped hands with white deer-food-type pieces. We ate them in silence, and I took the time to examine the artwork handing on the walls around me.

   We eventually left the shrine room and continued to explore the area, taking a multitude of pictures. We exited the temple platform, leaving through a gold archway holding a bell and two symmetrical elephant and lion statues on either side. I have never experienced a place that combined such beauty, depth, serenity, and wonder. I am definitely not tearing up now as I reminisce about it (and I am 100% lying). I feel as though my time at the temple has allowed me to reach an untouched, deeper part of my being that evokes feelings of spirituality and mystical, peaceful wonder. I hope that the experience has changed me in a monumental way, which will be manifested in small occurrences, such as showing more compassion to strangers, being more open-minded and understanding toward others, or simply appreciating life through a new perspective. I will truly never forget this morning for as long as I breathe. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that will gave me memories and new emotions to hold forever.

Let Me Share This Whole New World With You

Entry #9

May 9, 2014

   While sitting in clinic after the mountain walk, Dr. Paul asked us to write an entry in a notebook that his volunteers can write farewell notes in. I wrote a heartfelt page from both me and Greg. We then jotted down our contact info, and I obtained everyone else's also. As I was writing, Dr. Paul started making comments about how we are always welcome back and how he hopes to see us again. He is a man who does not show emotion on his face, but I picked up on his sadness in his words and tone. The great doctor will truly miss us, and I can sense that we had an impact on him just as he had a huge impact on us. I will truly never forget the man or my far-too-short week in Patti. I teared up many times today as the moment to say farewell draws nearer. I imagine that I may very well cry tonight in my hotel room in Rishekesh. It is painfully clear that we are especially admired by Dr. Paul, Rajesh, and the others. This is most likely because we are very low in the volunteer-age spectrum for CFHI, so we are wildly enthusiastic, easily astonished, and stubbornly entertaining. I think Viridner and Rita might hold special compassion for us because of age and my difficulties with eating. This makes me a special case and evokes the parents to become protective and worry over me. I do not think we will be forgotten by Patti immediately, which fills me with immense pleasure because I will certainly never forget Patti.
   Moving on to less poignant topics, I am very frustrated by my available, packed clothing. I am very picky about my outfits in the first place, but I only have so many lightweight shirts and pants. I suppose it is not a big deal since I will be buying authentic clothing here soon.
   We have just arrived at the hotel in Rishekesh, which has been a fast-paced adventure by itself! Let me first explain how we got here. No, I do not mean to speak about our mothers' coochies. I'm talking about how we arrived in Rishekesh. After being dropped off at the homestay in Dehra Dun, we discussed weekend plans with Mayank. Then we left with Rajesh, whom lives in Rishekesh, to catch the bus there. We took an autorickshaw (simply called an auto) to the bus. There is no station that we could see, only buses merging everywhere into the insane traffic. The auto fits 3-4 people and only reaches about 30 mph. It was very open on the sides and gave us a breezy, quick ride with all the environmental smells and sounds included. Some areas near cow dung or trash piles may smell bad, but all of India is not like this. The smells may be extremely different every 20 feet or so and not all are pleasant, but it is nothing like I was warned it would smell like. All of India does not have just one terrible smell. I am finding it interesting to explore the country with my least utilized sense.
   We caught the bus as it was merging into traffic and rode for about 45 minutes or so. The area in which we boarded the bus was my first glimpse at the crowded, dirty areas often portrayed in movies. It was loud, dense, confusing, and overstimulating. As soon as I stepped off the auto, a beggar woman holding her small child's hand began pressuring me for money. She got right in my face, following me around and slightly touching me. She would not let off and it made me wonder if such methods ever work for her. Her actions evoked annoyance and anger in me, not sympathy and compassion. On the bus, we received many more stares than we have before. We were in our first truly dense population so the increase in stares was to be expected. They are so obviously curious stares, and I have yet to be harassed. I don't think this is as much of an issue as everyone made it out to be.
   After arriving in Rishekesh, we found an auto that took us to a parking lot near the bridge Ram Jhula. Riding in the auto made me realize that Rishekesh is most similar to the image of India I was warned about and mentally prepared for. I am telling you now that not everyone would be able to handle Rishekesh. Luckily I am resilient, quick-minded, and easily pleased. I can handle whatever Rishekesh throws at me. Knock on wood.
   I am truly grateful Rajesh was willing to play tour guide and help us navigate our way to a safe starting point for our walk to the hotel. We would have never even made it to the bus without him, and I need to use these experiences to become fluent in the art of Indian transportation. When Rajesh left, I realized it was the first time Greg and I have actually ever been completely alone while here. I hope we are ready for this huge leap of independence and responsibility. I very much feel that we are. We have made our way safely to the hotel. We were not approached by any beggars but must remain vigilant because violent monkeys wander the streets. We passed many shops and I think I will accomplish most of my shopping here tomorrow.
   We booked a cab for 4:30am tomorrow. It will take us to the Kuja Puri Temple, which is high up enough to see snowcaps on the mountains as the sun rises. This sounds too beautiful to pass up. We just ate in the restaurant in the hotel, and I don't think I've ever been so happy to eat a meal before. Most of the menu was not Indian, and they even served Coca-Cola! It is a pretty nice restaurant and extremely cheap by American standards, as is everything else in India. We both order pita with hummus, pasta with red mushroom sauce, and garlic cheese naan. Everything was exquisite, and I'm overjoyed and relieved to report that I do not have any resulting stomach issues thus far. My body is officially on good terms with food from the Indian restaurant, as is my mind. Such good terms that I am going to get a Nutella crepe tomorrow and explore my food preferences later on in the day. Although I will most likely order pineapple pizza when we take Rajesh out to dinner tomorrow. We found out that the general tipping rate in India is 10-15%. As someone who usually tips over 20%, this is hard for me to comply with. The bills are so cheap that an extra 5% in tip won't affect me at all. Greg hates the idea of tipping so much and convinced me that since Indians are usually such a humble people, it is best to tip around 15%. Truthfully I would have tipped 20% had I carried smaller bills, but I'll let Greg think that I now see the light and just tip more than he realizes in the future.
   I am pained to admit that I wrote a major lie in a past journal entry. I found out today that I never saw nor stood near a leopard in Patti. Dr. Paul and Rajesh were playing a joke on us. They really are marvelous actors, in all honesty. The animal and shadow we saw was a dog. Apparently a real leopard would have killed us on the spot, or so they say. Whatever. I'm just upset I wasn't near a real leopard. At least we still have Corbett! I am really excited for tomorrow for reasons involving food and shopping, two of my favorite things EVER! Rishekesh, so far, seems to be a fantastic weekend jaunt.

Every Day It's As If I Play A Part. Now I See If I Wear A Mask I Can Fool The World, But I Cannot Fool My Heart

Entry #8

May 9, 2014

   Today is our last day in Patti. It is the last time we will see Viridner and Rita. We plan to take Rajesh out to eat while we are in Rishekesh this weekend. We hope to take Dr. Paul out to eat when we are back in Dehra Dun. We have just completed our final yoga session in Patti. While I do not personally find it meditative, it was a pleasant challenge to push my body's limits and increase my flexibility. 

   I am greatly enjoying my time in India, but I am also looking forward to returning home and being lazy. I must stay true to myself and not deny that laziness is a large part of who I am (insert wink). Being such an introspective and self-aware individual, I am using this experience to learn more about myself. I realize it is never easy to generalize personality traits and tendencies, but I will try. So far I have noticed these things about myself that may or may not be new knowledge to me: I am sarcastic–not only is it a defense mechanism but also a way to differentiate from the sweetheart attitude I usually hold; I overanalyze and never stop thinking–everyone knows this, but I am realizing that it doesn't bother me much and I shouldn't let others tell me it is wrong or that I should change in this regard; I make assumptions constantly–this one does not bother me at times and I don't even notice when I assume anymore. They are often harmless assumptions and are merely a way for me to understand the world. I use assumptions as a mental exercise for myself by using external cues and prior knowledge to draw conclusions. There is a thin line between making harmless assumptions while understanding they may be wrong and believing all assumption to be correct, portraying an air of arrogance, ignorance, stubbornness, and general know-it-all attitude. I am nowhere near as guilty as others in making excessive assumptions, but it is something I should learn to do in moderation or at least conceal from the world more often. It is rarely an attractive quality to others. I have also realized how I crave being the center of attention but do not always know how to handle the attention once it is in my hands. I put many different faces on in the limelight–shy and bashful, sarcastic and witty, humorous and joyful, generous and hospitable. I suppose these are all different sides of me that equally represent who I am.

   I can't help but feel disconnected from myself sometimes. It is as if I am improvising in a play, portraying the character I think would most amuse the watchful audience. I have to wonder if this is a consequence of only acting out one of my faces (characters) at a time and not portraying myself as a whole. Maybe these insecurities and emotions hint at something deeper. Have I built these characters based on what I've seen in the environment, movies, books, personal feedback, and none of them are actually me? Every character is created and developed purely for the audience's sake? Omg, I'm having a legitimate identity crisis. I swear I could be its poster child right now. Do you hear how melodramatic I sound?! Enough is enough. I'm about to go on a beautiful hike in a forest in the Himalayas. I know who I am, and I enjoy myself immensely. The matter is put to rest.

I Hope You Don't Mind. I Hope You Don't Mind That I Put Down In Words How Wonderful Life Is Now You're In The World

Entry #7

May 8, 2014

   I just found out that Dr. Paul and Rajesh had never played cards with volunteers before, and Dr. Paul had never played a card game in his life. They have been asked to play many times but have not accepted an offer until ours. I feel honored by this, and it is fantastic that their introduction to cards was such a success.

   Today we went to another health camp, which was just the junior school (grades 6-8) across the street. Dr. Paul, Greg, and I sat at a small table in the hall. Dr. Paul recorded information and wrote prescriptions. Greg and I did essentially all of the examinations. There were 47 children in total. They were all adorable and beyond excited to see two 20-year old Caucasians wearing lab coats. They giggled and stared at us the entire time, smiling shyly when we would catch their eyes. I could see the difference in a child's and adult's reaction to something foreign or someone whom looks different. Adults will either act superior or feel intimidated, but no matter the reaction, an adult will cast judgment. A child will laugh and stare curiously. They are so innocent.

   For the first two classes, Greg recorded name, age, and weight. I then examined overall health and reported it to Dr. Paul. For the third class, Greg and I switched roles. Checking overall health consisted of examining the eyes, teeth, mouth, tonsils, glands, lungs, heart, and general hygiene. All of the children's hygiene was good, save for dental hygiene. This was the key area I examined because at least a third of the children had serious cavities, and one had decaying teeth due to infection. Dental hygiene is not strongly advocated in India, and there is not a dentist on every corner as I am accustomed to. In fact, dental floss does not even exist in India. Sometimes I was asked to examine the ears with the orthoscope, but I really need more practice with this. The health camp was a great opportunity to act like a professional physician [assistant] that I would have never been given in America. I am lucky to have begun honing my clinical skills before I enter PA school.

   We all had a great time at the school, and the children's giggles appeared to be contagious. After check-ups, Greg and I went to each classroom, passing out mini chocolate eggs–a 75% discounted after-Easter special! The kids were very happy and kept saying, "Thank you, ma'am." I have to say, I am not a huge fan of being called ma'am. How many 20-year old ma'ams do you know?

   Tonight we will give out the gifts and teach everyone how to play BS. I am looking forward to it but even more so for our plans after cards. We will go up on the balcony behind the clinic office, above the house, and lock the metal gate behind us. We will be able to oversee the entire field that goes toward the jungle. This field is where we viewed jackals last night and where we can expect to observe many more animals tonight. With such a great vantage point, we will not need to scare the animals off so much with the flashlight. I hope we see something very deadly!

   From the first day in Patti, I realized how much downtime we have every day. It is not an overwhelming amount so that life becomes stagnant. There is always something to do or someone to talk to. The downtime allows me to write, reflect on the day, and rest. It is representative of the Indian culture in general. Although the Indian people are extremely hard working and could never be considered prone to laziness, they take the time to enjoy the moment and have relaxation. For example, each home we have been in serves tea both before breakfast and mid-afternoon. I do not know if this is true of most Indian household, but it signifies that Indian people take breaks in the day to fulfill their moods with things like tea. Breaking the workday up makes it easier to get other things done and become motivated and rested before the next work activities. I can really jump on board with this aspect of Indian culture.

   Tonight we went across the street to Viridner's house. It is huge and gorgeous, reminding me of the Siam castle in The King and I. We joined him on his roof, far above the ground. The temperature was perfect and I was cozily swathed in light sweats from head to toe. Being on his roof gave us a marvelous view of the surrounding fields and mountainous backdrop. Unfortunately the air became heavy with a dense fog of threaded wheat. It became difficult to see the fields and impossible to see the stars. Instead of watching for animals, we sat around and joked. I pulled out some cards, and we played a raucous game of BS. Laughing with everyone of top of Viridner's roof felt like we were on top of the world. We were high enough and happy enough that our fears, anxieties, worries, and doubts were left on the ground at the bottom of the black spiral staircase. Viridner's rooftop was akin to heaven for me.

   I am very happy with how this day's events progressed, especially as our last full day in Patti should be memorable. We joked around quite a bit throughout the day and night. Dr. Paul, and consequently every one else, found out how jumpy I am. He's been sneaking up on me all day, and I swear I jump higher and scream louder every time he pops out at me! At one point, he locked me in the kitchen and convinced Greg not to let me out right away. Haha, very funny, guys! I hate that the good memories today were tinged with a bittersweet tone of impending farewells, but I will cherish these positive moments and laughter forever.

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You. Getting To Like You, Hoping You Get To Like Me, Too

Entry #6

May 7, 2014

   I woke up at 3am last night, desperate for the bathroom. I still did not feel fully relieved when I woke up again at 5:25 for yoga. I was nervous to have my session while feeling so bloated and ready to pop, but yoga actually seemed to help a little. This morning's session was my favorite so far because there was a lot of balancing, rather than stretching.

   At about 7am, Dr. Paul told us to come to clinic early because a patient had arrived. We joined him and learned that the patient was a young girl with a UTI. She appeared to be in quite a bit of pain. She was given antibiotics and a diuretic injection to stimulate a jaunt to the washroom. She did not excrete enough and was placed on an IV. During the time she was in the office and taking the antibiotics, she heaved what she had just drank (and possibly more) onto the floor and surrounding furniture. It was a fairly large projection and was cleaned some time later using a water-dampened cloth. This is one example of the lower hygienic standards than one would find in American clinics. I hypothesize that this is because we are visiting a rural clinic completely funded by an independent, global volunteer organization. Furthermore the clinic is located in a remote, tiny village often not marked on maps. It is to be assumed that staffing is minimal, supplies are not easily obtained, and general hygienic and safety practices are streamlined.

   After seeing the patient, we had breakfast. The family asked the day before if I liked eggs and brown bread, and Rita consequently made me egg sandwiches and porridge for breakfast today. She was very excited to see me grab two sandwich halves, but I honestly could have eaten 5 of those sandwiches. Eggs and bread are such a sweet relief, like an island of safety and comfort in a sea of unfamiliar, hot and spicy foods. I am so grateful for her kindness and concern. We chatted in Hindi for a bit. I really do catch on to words and phrases quickly. I brainstormed with Greg how to thank the family for their hospitality since there are no restaurants we could take them to. We decided that Greg will give his four gifts to the family here, and I will give my two gifts to the Mehtas in Dehra Dun. This works out perfectly because Greg has a McGill University t-shirt, similar to the t-shirts worn every day by Dr. Paul. We also suspect his woman's medium t-shirt will fit Rita since she is fairly small. I am pleased with these arrangements because I so desperately want to show the family our appreciation and gratitude. Rita just came to my door and told me to come into the kitchen. She gave me lemon water and said it was a secret. We giggled as Greg walked by, not noticing us. The drink was essentially lemonade and mouthwatering. I really enjoy Rita.

   I have become much more comfortable checking lungs and am now better at checking ears with an orthoscope. I have noticed that patient confidentiality is not a concern here and, often times, there are multiple patients in the exam room at one time. It is also hard to maintain discretion when health camps are conducted in some one's house and the family is serving snacks while a patient describes his or her symptoms.

   The cultural differences in wealth and costs here are astounding. Everything seems impossibly cheap to me, yet many citizens here struggle to afford what would be similar to $6 in the United States. I understand that India is still a developing country and is dangerously overpopulated, but it breaks my heart to see such money difficulties for amounts that I consider absolutely nothing. Things I don't consider at all, actually. I want to send a blood pressure cuff and sphygmomanometer, maybe also a stethoscope to Dr. Paul's clinic when I return home. His current instruments are not terrible, but it is clear they are very old and worn down. I hope that Dr. Paul would appreciate this. It makes me realize that is it entirely impossible to help the entire world, but the joy you can bring to one person by helping them in a small way is also extremely effective and rewarding.

   After supper we played a board game based purely on skill. Apparently I have none. Afterward, we went outside to stargaze. While looking up at the large, winking sky, Dr. Paul noticed a leopard's shadow. It was creeping at the top of the staircase leading directly to where we were standing, just outside the house. I was literally breathing no more than 20 feet from a hunting leopard, completely in pouncing distance. Dreams really do come true! We all stood, mesmerized by its shadow for a few seconds until Dr. Paul quickly ushered us inside the heavy, black metal gate to the house and closed it. In Patti, every one goes inside around 9pm because leopards and other animals stalk the villages every night around this time until about 4am, looking for livestock to prey on. I am still stupefied by this experience, but Dr. Paul and Rajesh's nervous behavior made me realize I was actually in true danger. If anyone knows the first thing about me, it is that I'm hilarious. The second is how much I am obsessed with big cats, especially jaguars, leopards, and tigers. I am becoming more aware of the fact that no matter how much I admire and love the graceful creatures, they are wild animals that do not hold the same love and admiration for me–although if they got to know me...No matter, I must be careful and keep this in mind when I visit Corbett. Greg and I stayed up to watch for bears and leopards but only spotted numerous jackals. Greg kept referring to them as hyenas, but I know better!

Everyone Was Feeling Warm And Bright. It's Such A Strange And Happy Sight To See Us Dancing In The Moonlight

Entry #5

May 6, 2014

   This morning I woke up feeling very well. My stomach is not currently bothering me, and I have grown to love Chai tea here. I feel the tea is helping to ease my stomach problems. The bed was quite uncomfortable as it is essentially a wooden table with blankets. I did not sleep through the whole night, but with position shifts, the bed is completely sufficient. It also helps that the weather in Patti is marvelous, especially at night. I am no longer afraid of becoming overheated during our walks today and Thursday.

   Yoga was easier this morning. I can already feel my flexibility increasing. Some poses are still difficult for me, such as the mountain pose, but I have only had two sessions. I can't expect to be a professional until at least two and half sessions! Greg suggested we continue practicing yoga once a day for the rest of the month. I don't know how we would do this without an instructor, but I honestly don't mind the idea of continuing.

   The yoga instructor said there is not good hiking in Rishekesh, which relieves me because it was not an activity I was looking forward to. I took a shower this morning and actually enjoyed it! It was a real shower, not consisting of any bucket usage. Despite the cold water, spider webs in corners, and small bugs flying around, I found the shower to be refreshing and far easier than my previous expectations would have led me to believe. I was warned that I would be taking cold bucket showers, but this does not appear to be the case in any city I am staying in.

   We have returned from the health camp, and it was not as I expected. My expectations are beginning to be proved wrong quite frequently. The health camp was basically the same experience as the clinic but in a person's house with tea and snacks. I am far more confident taking some one's BP and am becoming more familiar with listening to the lungs. I am curious to hear what fluid-filled lungs sound like. We have clinic tonight from 4-6pm.

   I am more comfortable with the people here, and we joke around quite a bit. Virender asked me what foods I liked and didn't like. He then called his wife Rita and told her what I said. I am unbelievably grateful that they have noticed which foods I do not serve myself and are so willing to make special accommodations for me. India has proven to be a hospitable and welcoming country for me. I am also fortunate that my stomach is better handling the meals. I get the impression that everyone here is getting to know my personality and because it is so sparkling, I feel they are all beginning to like me.

   I am learning so much about the country and health care system. It is interesting to see the mix of traditional and modern medicine, and I wonder if this will be common in Dehra Dun. I only wish that I were learning how to diagnose patients based on symptoms, but I suppose this knowledge is best gained through study and memorization.

   I have come to the realization that India spurs more emotions in me, positive or negative, every day that I would have in a typical week back home. I am learning constantly about the country, its people, and their beliefs. It is lonely being separated from everyone (and every thing) I know and love, but in this moment of clarity, I know that I am beyond happy I took this leap and journeyed across the world alone. Even in the most difficult moments when I am not sure I will make it through the month, some small part of me is extremely proud and satisfied about where I am. I believe the experience makes me a stronger, more independent woman whom is willing to push her boundaries. Being here teaches me that I have no boundaries when I mentally apply myself. I am more attuned to my body, my desires, and my mind. I will take much from this adventure, and whether or not it aides me in being accepted to a PA program, I am lucky to have had this opportunity and taken it.

   There was only one patient in clinic tonight and it began to rain after about an hour-long warning of deep, rumbling thunder. The rain cooled things down to a perfect temperature, considering how hot it became around midday. It was awe-inspiring to witness the bursting, dark gray clouds rolling around the mountain tops, accented by quick flashes of white lightning. A large group of villagers stood outside with us and took the time to appreciate the phenomenon.

   After clinic we had yoga, and the routine was slightly new. I greatly enjoyed it–much more than I enjoy the aches I feel when we focus on working our abs! I'm afraid my perpetual laziness is catching up to me. If I do not lose ten lbs through merely sweating and doing yoga (never mind the fact I'm consuming less than a thousand calories per day), I will be truly shocked–and severely disappointed.

   After supper we played a card game called Kent. Greg and I both knew the game so it was an easy choice. Fun fact: we discovered that we both utilize the same signal, which we both created ourselves in a past life. Of course it was the best signal ever and we always relied on it, so we were forced to become creative and develop several new signals throughout the game. Great minds think alike, I suppose! Apparently my mind is greater, though, because Rajesh (the yoga instructor) and I won 11-3! Really, Rajesh and I just made a great team. Dr. Paul had us all laughing so hard that tears were spilled. I feel we have formed a close-knit group (me, Dr. Paul, Rajesh, and Greg) and can not all be in the same room without laughing our butts off. Figuratively, of course. I am very much not looking forward to the end of this week, which will bring about my farewell to Patti and its companionable inhabitants. What a 180 degree change from–what?–yesterday's entry? See what I mean about the emotion-filled days around here??

   Although I am sad to be leaving the people here, I am happy to still be able to travel with Greg. I am grateful that he is my traveling partner because I feel we make a solid team. While being complete polar opposites on the physical activity scale and (more importantly) on the interest in physical activity scale, we think a lot alike. We had the same exact Kent signal, for Pete's sake! On a side note, not that I am calling myself a psychic or anything, but I had a sneaking suspicion we would have the same signal. So, yes, I'm basically a professional psychic, available Monday-Thursday, $80 per visit. Off a side note, Greg and I have established routines to help one another out. Aside from the multitude of support I get from back home, it is very comforting to have a support system here and readily available. Thankfully we had zero problems organizing our weekend plans and no conflicts of interest, except that long hike I'm hoping to avoid.

   Today I realized I am incredibly grateful for my traveling partner (especially now that we've moved past the initial awkward-silence phase), for the generous people I have encountered in India, for my parents and friends whom send overwhelming love and encouragement, and for the opportunity CFHI has created for myself and others. Today Dr. Paul developed the phrase, "Jalhee jeevna hai," which translates to "water is life." We later added to the beginning, "Water is power." Such a simple phrase, and yet it has a profound effect, even without the powerful sentiment given to any quote uttered by a well-known historical figure! This phrase is one small glimpse into Dr. Paul's mind, which is truly fascinating. The way he talks and thinks is in such a simplistic manner. He can generalize any idea to be applicable to the entire world or life itself. Despite this clear, direct line of thought, his insights are meaningful and thought provoking. Even disagreeing completely with him, it is impossible to not understand his perfect reasoning and logical conclusions. I look forward to more of his teachings.

Everyone Knows I'm In Over My Head, Over My Head

Entry #4

May 5, 2014

   This morning I woke up around 5:30 feeling sick again. It eventually passed and I was able to eat an entire egg sandwich with two delicious cups of hot Masala Chai tea. I have officially acquired a taste for tea. Before breakfast, I took a walk around the block. Navigating traffic was exciting, and it is impossible to go three seconds without hearing a horn honking. I went on my walk at about 7:30, so it was even cooler outside than it was inside. During my walk I was able to see all of the school kids making their way to school before it began at 8am. It was interesting to see so many parents taking their children to school via bicycle and motorcycle. There is far less car ownership in India than America and far more motorcycle ownership.

   We waited until 10am for Dr. Paul to pick us up. We drove up a narrow, winding mountain path to reach Patti. Patti is a very small village not found on most maps. It has a tiny health clinic that is completely funded and run by CFHI. I enjoy the mountainous views and rustic accommodations. I will only need to become accustomed to cold bucket showers! 

    After first arriving, we joined Dr. Paul in his OPD, or outpatient department. The OPD consists of two very small rooms, smaller than most American clinic exam rooms. One room is the exam room and the second room, right across the tiny hall, is the pharmacy. We watched Dr. Paul visit with two patients. It was interesting to see that there are no medical forms but rather blank pieces of notebook paper used for patient information and prescriptions. Patients brought the information paper to Dr. Paul themselves after filling it out in the pharmacy. There were no secretaries who file such information away. Patients then tell the attending physician what their symptoms are and receive a diagnosis immediately. This is in stark contrast to America's medical system in which most patients need to describe their symptoms to at least one health care professional before actually seeing the physician whom will ask the same exact questions again. In India, it is a quick, "What's wrong? Here's your medicine. Goodbye." A classic wham-bam-thank you ma'am, if you will. Unfortunately I feel this could become an issue if the patient has a medicinal allergy or is misdiagnosed.

   Dr. Paul explained that only sick people go to the OPD because it is a long trek and health individuals need to work. This means there are most likely far less cases of hypochondria or medicinal drug abuse as compared to the United States. With the first patient, Dr. Paul asked us to obtain BP, which I have far too little practice with. I jumped up right away, I suppose because my subconscious assumed he wanted us to remove the cuff and sphygmomanometer from the case. Being a girl, I would of course jump at the chance to do a small chore. Nope. I had to take the woman's BP. I was most likely 100% wrong. I honestly guessed at the numbers. It became easier after practice, and I am now fairly more confident. I was also asked to use a...I don't even know what it's called! The ear tool I guess. I had no idea what I was looking for! "Ummmm....there's some bumps or something?" Yeah, no. Turns out the problem was white pus, which I would have never found. Next a boy with a cough came in. I listened to his lungs with a stethoscope. "They sound a little raspy?" Bingo. Finally I had a satisfactory answer. Although, am I sure his breathing was actually, truly raspy? Heck no! How many lungs do I really listen to in my free time??

   It is somewhat difficult to understand drug names with the Indian accents and I can only hope that I am jotting down good information. I had no idea I would be so clinically involved so early in the game. I truly appreciate the opportunity to practice such clinical tasks; I only wish I was given a short debriefing on proper methods of examination. I hadn't realized how much I appreciate grades and tests that numerically value our knowledge and abilities. I understand this is not how the real world works, but maybe I am just completely unprepared to handle the real world at this point in my life.

   I dread every meal as I can barely force myself to eat the food that I fear will make me sick or that is too spicy. I feel absolutely terrible when everyone questions why I eat so little or when I leave food on my plate and give it to the cows. I am not sure why I have such a hard time eating more than six bites when my stomach is growling loudly all day. It is embarrassing and I wish my body would make up its mind.

   After clinic, which I forgot to mention does not involve the utilization of gloves, we had yoga. It was nothing like I expected and required far greater flexibility than I have available. I was very self-conscious the entire time and was not able to relax. I will have yoga every morning–5:45 am!–and evening. Hopefully with this much practice, I will enhance both my flexibility and enjoyment of yoga. We plan to travel to Rishekesh, the yoga capital of the world, this weekend. Greg is excited to do yoga, but I fear I will have more desire to simply shop all day like the superficial suburban girl I suspect I may be.

   I honestly enjoy Patti and everything about its magnificent scenery, but I worry this will be my least favorite week of the trip. I immensely enjoy the people here and am completely okay living in such rustic conditions; however, I feel that I may have severely offended most of the people here and an upset stomach is not suited for these living conditions. I am not happy with the fact that I spent almost this entire entry complaining and it signifies that I am not doing all I can to find silver linings and improve my mental state. Hopefully yoga becomes easier and my lack of food intake does not deplete my energy too much. I am looking very forward to returning to the Dehra Dun homestay. I plan to avoid complaining so much in future entries as it makes me feel weak and shallow–two attributes I'd hoped this trip would dispel. Then again, if I can not complain to myself in a personal journal, then I've probably got bigger issues. I plan for this journal to be an opportunity to be completely honest with myself during my journey.

   Tomorrow we will visit the first health camp. I am curious to see how it will affect me.

It's Our Problem-Free Philosophy: Hakuna Matata

Entry #3

May 4, 2014

   I must admit this day started off horribly. We went to bed around 10:30pm and had to be up and ready by 5:30. This would have been a piece of cake had I gotten one wink of shut eye. I spent the entire night tossing and turning, feeling nauseous as I sweated my nonexistent balls off. I finally relented at 3am and got dressed for the day. I read until Greg woke up at 4:45. The entire morning, I felt nauseous and unwell. We arrived at the train station and before the train even took off, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the nearest waste basket (or dust bin as they are referred to in India) to purge myself of whatever bug was afflicting me. Unfortunately this was not enough to cure my discomfort as I had another round of purging in the overwhelmingly pungent Indian-style washroom about an hour later. For those that do not know, an Indian-style toilet consists of a hole in the ground. That is all.

   Throughout the remainder of the 6.5-hour train ride to Dehra Dun, I slowly regained energy and felt slightly better. I was able to fully immerse myself in the sights and the conversations around me by the end of the train ride. The local coordinator Mayank Vats picked us up at the station and proved to be a very friendly, entertaining individual. He actually walked up just as I was telling Greg a story that involved jumping up and down. He mistakenly thought I somehow recognized him and was jumping up and down in excitement at seeing him! We all had quite a good laugh at that. He drove us to the homestay, which exceeded every one of my expectations. I am beyond thrilled to stay in the accommodations for two weeks due to the kind and understanding homestay mom and dad, the close and diverse town, the luxurious furnishings that remind me of a hotel, and the pet rabbit that gladly ate my leftover food.

    Mayank returned to the homestay later that night to walk us through orientation. It was very comforting to have an available and well-knowledged source for answers to all of our questions, which seemed to never end. The information was incredibly helpful. After walking through the month's plans and covering all details, I am confident in my ability to handle the entire month and still accomplish the three weekend outings we plan to make. I am so grateful to Mayank for the effort and willingness he exhibits in assisting us with any and all needs.

    I discovered I enjoy cold tea and can mostly stomach sweets. This is helpful in knowing and communicating what I can and can not eat. My only fears for the rest of the journey are eating enough food without needing to puke, adequately performing clinical duties, and surviving the long hikes I will be expected to make. I hope that my stomach feels normal by tomorrow so that I can fully enjoy the drive to Patti, yoga, my first day at clinicals, and any other events I encounter. I will be extremely embarrassed if I faint due to dehydration or lack of food. We shall see!

Bare Necessities, The Simple Bare Necessities

Entry #2

May 3, 2014

    Oh no, I drank the water. I'm not sure if it was bottled or not, but I stopped drinking after a few sips. The driver was not there to pick me up at first, but I still waited in the sizzling, Delhi heat for a half hour. After realizing I would need to call someone in the program, I asked a couple security guards about a pay phone. The only phone booths were inside the airport I had walked out of. Apparently I was not allowed back in with my suitcase, and I would drag that sucker to the ends of the Earth with me. So pay phones were out of the question. I waited at Pillar 17 for ten more minutes and then walked across the street to the police assistance booth. I was able to use a taxi driver's cell phone to make the calls. His group of fellow driver buddies were very willing to help me, although they did not understand most of what I was saying. I was told to go wait again at the pillar by Hema, a coordinator in the program. The driver found me five minutes later and we took off toward his car.

    Culture shock #1: most citizens do not appear to speak English like I assumed they would. To further update you, the few Hindi phrases I learned are not enough to sustain an entire conversation. I am feeling quite alone due to this. I suppose I may also be feeling alone because I am sitting in a small room alone, waiting until my traveling partner Greg shows up later tonight. Please show up soon, Greg. I need a fellow North American! 

    Culture shock #2: Proper plumbing is not a major concern of India's. I have medication and toilet paper on hand, but I fear I may still encounter difficulties with my bowel system. Notice my use of the word "may," signifying that the chance of such an occurrence is not only possible but also probable. 

    Culture shock #3: Indians are quite touchy-feely. Let me clarify, in case any worried adults read this. I have not been groped or harassed since I've been here. Rather the physical closeness is something I notice when I see men holding hands because they are friends, almost every motorcycle carrying two or three passengers, or my taxi driver grabbing my hand to pull me somewhere or to examine my leopard ring. Really, I can't fault him for that one. My ring truly is completely fabulous. I do not mind this specific aspect of my culture shock because I am, fortunately, a very touchy-feely person also!

   Culture shock #4: this is the big one–the traffic. Believe me when I say that no amount of research could prepare me for actual travel on the roads here. It's crazy! Insane! Madness! As the cab driver said, "there are no rules." And there honestly aren't! Seat belts are not worn; red lights are ignored; there is no such thing as "right of way;" there is no safe distance to maintain; and there is no rhyme or reason to anything! Roads are free game for cars, rickshaws, auto rickshaws, vikrams, buses, pedestrians, motorcycles, cows, basically anything that can physically touch the road. There were two or three times I feared for a pedestrian's life, but he or she did not hold the same fears. To be quite honest, if I could choose my preferred way to drive, it would be with no rules. I've never enjoyed heeding red lights or stop signs. After seeing the way every person drives, I focused on the cars to check for dents and scratches. My attempts were not wasted in futility. There were more cars with small dents and marks than there were without. This intrigues me for two reasons. The first is that I did not notice any cars with severe damage as are commonly seen in the United States. This is most likely because cars in India are constantly in very close proximity and thus do not travel as fast as those in America, which has a need for speed. The second reason this intrigues me is that the drivers are not afraid to drive mere inches from another car because they are not very afraid of a small collision. Almost every car had some sort of scratch or dent, but no one seemed to care! The cars in India don't look nearly as nice or expensive as those in the U.S. I feel this is because cars here are only used to get from point A to point B and not as a status of wealth. I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that Indians have far less vanity when it comes to material good or even overall.

    Omg! It is scorching hot here! I can't believe they don't all wear tank tops and short shorts! Why do the most conservative cultures originate from some of the hottest climates?? With how little food I'll be eating and how difficult it can be to obtain bottled water, I fear I might really pass out from sun stroke. We will see, I suppose.

   I can tell, already, I will not enjoy the food here. I am very scared I will offend my host family due to this. It is not that I am unwilling to try new foods; my stomach simply doesn't agree with many foreign dishes. Obtaining enough food and water is my primary concern at the moment.

If You Lose The Moment, You Might Lose a Lot, So Why Not?

Entry #1

May 2, 2014

    This is the first entry of many, and I'm not exactly sure where to start. At this sentence in my journal and for every sentence following, I utilize cursive. Personal preference and all. It is a shame that Blogger.com will not allow for a similar font. I am currently on the plane to Delhi. I have no idea how long the flight is or what time it is because I'm sure my watch is completely wrong.

    As I get closer to my destination, one thought becomes painstakingly loud and clear in the forefront of my mind. That thought is, "I can't believe I'm actually doing this." If anyone knows me at all, they're probably thinking the same thing. I'm the stereotypical, sheltered, suburban, white chick who is especially skilled in the art of laziness. I'm almost certain I spend 80% of my life lying in a bed. I have almost zero experience with any other cultures. I tense up when people question me about Judaism for fear I will have no correct answer. I was bat mitzvahed after five years of Hebrew school, for crying out loud! I consider myself open-minded (more like indifferent), but this is just about bursting my comfort bubble. I'm not too scared or worried, simply anxious, I suppose.

    I keep over-analyzing things, as is my forte and downfall. Will I learn clinically valuable information? Will this trip be enough to make me desirable to grad schools? Will I be able to just let go and enjoy myself? Will I really open my eyes and become as accepting as I want to be or as everyone thinks I will become? Will I get to volunteer at the neurology center? Will I survive the heat and hikes in the mountains? Will I make enough of an impression on any of the doctors to earn a positive recommendation letter? Will my darn movie screen work at all during this never ending flight? Will I be able to handle Indian food?? I think not. Judging from the food we received on the plane thus far, I can not handle anything spicy.

    I once read somewhere that redheads can withstand spicy foods better than persons born without the ginger curse. I think the author meant to say, "In a life-or-death situation, redheads can maybe tolerate spicy food like the rest of the world can, but still probably not." His editor probably made him rewrite it rather than offend us gingers. I'm not offended; I'm a total wimp when it comes to spice. I suppose the food is just something I will have to take one step at a time once I am there, as are the rest of my whimsical worries.

   I must admit to the things that have given me comfort and reassurance thus far on my aerial adventures. Aside from the amazing support and love my friends are sending from a thousand miles away, I am feeling far less insecure about the language and cultural barrier I am facing. After a brief flash of fear when I looked around and realized I was literally the ONLY white female in the airport terminal, I calmed down and found that communication was not difficult at all. I discovered on the flight to Chicago that I have gifts when it comes to memorizing Sanskrit phrases and words quickly. Unfortunately my pronunciation of foreign words is slightly less than prodigal. This is okay seeing as every Indian I have met so far speaks fantastic English.

    To digress on a tangent, this fact fascinates me. I'm not sure of the exact statistic, but I would not be at all surprised if most residents in India spoke both Hindi and English. All students in Israel are required to learn English as a second language. I actually find it frustrating how obsessed with English most Americans are. Most American citizens I know are often intolerant of or easily upset by hearing others speak foreign languages within the United States. I understand English is the nation's primary language, but how can we call ourselves a melting pot if we are unwilling to melt with foreign customs and languages? We instead expect every foreigner to conform to our native customs, languages, and preferences. I have been noticing more and more how close-minded I can be, relying on my snap judgments rather than investing energy to understand a person or situation. Of course I am much more mature in this regard than many others are, and I keep such thoughts to myself. I do not actually let snap judgments affect how I treat others; however, even allowing myself to indulge in such thoughts makes me less than the person I strive to be. I used to blame such character flaws on the way in which I was raised and the lack of diversity in the communities I grew up on. After examining the way America often reacts to foreigners, I feel most of my snap judgments are a product of American society as a whole. Most often, the snap judgments are stereotypes, which are perpetuated by our overall society continuously. How else would we all think that Asians are bad drivers or that Jews are cheap? These are beliefs encouraged by much of the population, which transforms them into generalized stereotypes, often leading to feelings of prejudice of animosity. I fear that I have allowed such negative traits of American society corrupt my mind. I must seek self-improvement, which may be a lifelong struggle involving consistent slaps to my mind and redirection of thoughts. Similarly to an addict, I must become aware of my weakest moments and expand my mind before letting quick judgments snap it shut.

    Moving on, I have only met very nice individuals so far. I have encountered many stares as I was warned of, although I can sense that these stares are not born out of malice or lust but instead from wonder and curiosity. They do not make me at all uncomfortable. I almost feel guilty when I catch some one's eye and they quickly turn away in embarrassment. I am not naive enough to think that in India, every person will be as kind, every stare will be as harmless, and every exchange will be as simple, but I have not yet encountered any obstacles. I am hopeful about the upcoming month and can only expect that I will have the amazing journey everyone says I will. 

Until next time, journal! 

    Yeah, this is slightly awkward. No more sign-offs for me.